I'm not a trained psychoanalyst, but I have watched shows about them on the interwebz. So I've decided to put myself deep into the psyche of ad posters and tell you what they are really thinking.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Live to Ride, Ride to be an Asshole.
Homeward Bound, The Horrifying Journey
Actual Ad:
i think i found your dog miss (fort wayne mc area)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Ewwww, Gross People
Actual Ad:
Casting Call for freaks, geeks, and oddballs (Downtown Cincy)
212. E. 14th Street, 45202
Are you chubby? Remember "Stand by Me"?- if so, I want you
Are you skinny, awkward, zitty, odd, not popular in highschool? I want you
You like cats? You own a fat one? I want you
Are you a creeper, have a funny mustache, look interesting in any way- I want you.
Are you a Stepford wife, or interesting looking cookie cutter blonde Female? I want you
Send your picture to me and I'll put you in a time slot. Web video submissions are very welcome as well!
Thanks!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I've Got Some Hair and You Got Some Shorts, Lets Trade!
4 realz ad:
hair extensions trade for clothes - $60 (hamersville,oh)
Friday, May 20, 2011
Boobies at 65 mph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Actual Ad:
three girls from michigan - m4w - 22 (71 south)
Date: 2011-05-20, 3:33PM EDT
Reply to:
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sounds Like a Good Deal to Me
$1 FREE ROOM FOR FEMALE ONLY (SOUTH)
Why hello and how are you doing on this wonderful day? I am a responsible 38yo African American male seeking a female room . . . I can’t even keep a straight face while typing this bullshit. I wants some sex, and if you gives it to me I might let you stay at my house. But I’ll probably just give you a boot to the door and some crabs for the road. Leave a message ho and I’ll hit you up asap.
No More Witches for Me
Actual Ad:
charmed box sets - $35 (dryridge)
HI, I RECENTLY JOINED TEAM EDWARD AND NO LONGER HAVE ANY NEED FOR MY BELOVED CHARMED DVDS. BUT I STILL NEED TO HANG ON TO SEASON 4 BECAUSE THEY SPEND A LOT OF IT TEACHING PAIGE HOW TO USE HER MAGIC AND I WOULD LIKE TO KEEP IT AROUND SO I CAN TEACH MYSELF INCASE THIS WHOLE TWILIGHT FAD DIES OFF. SORRY, I DON’T HAVE SEASONS 6, 7, AND 8 BECAUSE I TOTALLY TRADED THEM FOR SOME SWEET VAMPIRE TEETH AND COLORED CONTACT LENSES. DOLLAR SIGNS ARE A WASTE OF TIME SO JUST GIVE ME 35.00 AND THEY’RE ALL YOURS. IF INTERESTED PLEASE CALL OR TEXT, BECAUSE I LOVE GIVING MY NUMBER OUT TO FANS OF CHARMED OVER THE INTERNET. WHAT'S THIS CAPS LOCK BUTTON ALL ABOUT?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Sober Christian Lifestyle
THE AD:
$450 House to Share (Florence, Kentucky) (map)
I am looking for one of God's chosen (please no Muslims, or Jews) to share my home in Florence, Kentucky. I live a dull life where I spend my days putting together Thomas Kinkade puzzles and listening to my extensive collection of "WOW" cds. Even though the lord is always with me I still get lonely and am looking for a roommate to experience God's love with. The lower level of my house has one of each of the following: bedroom, bathroom, and living room. There's no kitchen, but it's ok. Jesus survived 40 days in the desert without food so I'm sure you can too. Remember when I said there was only one bedroom? I may have fibbed a little(don't worry God already forgave me). Actually, there is a whole second bedroom on that level that guests can stay in and by guest I mean only children or grandchildren. Parents coming to town? Tell ‘em to get a hotel. Friends coming over? Due to our zero alcohol policy they'll always be sober enough to drive home. There's a fire pit outside that you can use anytime you sin and need a reminder of what Hell will be like. Also, there is a park behind our house with not only swings but. . . . SLIDES!!!!!!!!! Hallelujah, swings and slides in one convenient location. Truly God is great! $450 a month includes eternal salvation.