Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Everyone Loves a Happy Ending

Real Ad:

Seeking female volunteers for 2 hour massage (maineville)


Date: 2011-06-20, 2:11PM EDT
Reply to: comm-weqva-2451713374@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

I am seeking local female volunteers who want a 2 hour massage. I do all types of massages like shiatsu and deep tissue. Maybe of the massages i do are for athletes who get sore backs and legs. If a 2 hour massage sounds good, no strings attached, and nothing more than just friends and massage, please let me know. Can even trade photos if you are more comfortable. Let me know if youd like to be a volunteer

  • Location: maineville
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • it's OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist
PostingID: 2451713374


What It Should Say:

I am looking for naive and/or slutty female volunteers for a 2 hour massage. I use the word volunteer because many the judge will drop the rape charges when I say that you volunteered. I tried posting this maybe times for a1 hour massage and nobody responded, so I doubled the massage length. I specialize in deep tissue massage which can sometimes feel like a penis rubbing on you, but I swear it isn't; just keep your eyes closed. So if you're interested in having my hands all over your body for a couple hours just let me know. No funny business, just strictly friends. We should swap pictures, because that's what friends do right? Again, let me stress the fact that you are volunteering for this and therefore can't take me to court.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Actual Ad:

miscellaneous (westwood)



Got some free stuff...computer moniter, 2 pack n plays and other stuff at 3187 Ferncrest court 2nd floor storage room..DO NOT EMAIL asking if I still have the stuff come and get it...its already been there for a week...


What it really really should say:

Umm...I have some free stuff...computers and other stuff and things...come to 3187 Ferncrest court 2nd floor killspace...umm....i mean storage room...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT EMAIL ME OR ASK QUESTIONS OF ANY KIND OR TELL PEOPLE WHERE YOU ARE GOING because this stuff is here and not made up at all and you need to come get it...it's already been there for a week...with all the other dead... bodies...

Wooden Mallet of Loneliness

Real Ad:

Wooden Mallet (Cincinnati)



Free homemade wooden mallet. I built this for demonstrations purposes on wooden mallet construction. I have plenty of these already, so I figured someone else might need one.

Material: Cherry & Walnut
Finishing: Mineral Oil & Beeswax

  • Location: Cincinnati
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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What's Really Going On:

Mom threaten to kick me out if I didn't stop building replica WOW weapons. But it doesn't matter since I already have an entire set. So I figured that a fellow noble warrior might need a mallet to help them on their quest. This is a free item.